Preaching to myself

 

Yesterday began as a gray cold morning in a series of cold mornings. Church the previous day had been online only again. Don't get me wrong, it was very moving music and meaningful worship. But, I'm tired. So, so very tired. It does make me appreciate the blips of sunshine more, but pandemic blues are a thing. I'm prayerful and thankful daily that my children and loved ones are healthy so add on top of that a good dose of guilt for being mopey or snippy.

As a pastor, I don't always see God in the words I preach. I don't hear. I find myself surprised sometimes when people say how much a sermon spoke to them. Did it really? Must be the Holy Spirit for sure. So this past Sunday, I preached on seeing God and assured everyone that we are seen. God see us. Annnnnd then Monday comes. I just don't want to get out of bed. My muscles ache a little bit, but that is more of an excuse if I am honest.

I grab a tea and a good book and settle in to spend my sabbath day off curled in bed reading. I carefully promise myself I will run at noon if it looks sunny. Nah, but then - my phone bleeps at me. It is a text from a church friend with a picture of herself on the trail by my house. I had invited her to come and see. someday. It is beautiful with wildlife and nature in a hidden pocket of the suburb. And yes, it has turned into a beautiful day, and I am missing it.

I jump from the bed and jog the mile from my house to the trail. And I see! I see that God is all around me patiently waiting and reminding me that God sees me too. Smiling faces pass us at a distance - sometimes you have to look closer to see it in the eyes above masks. Sometimes, some of us make God work a little harder before we sit up and pay attention.

I preached it, but I didn't hear the Word. It took a nudge from a friend and a big dose of creation to renew my spirit, feed my soul and preach my own sermon to me. God is here! 

There are horses along the trail, and I have a bit of history with the one that bit me. So, my friends posed and sent me a pic with a big pregnant horse along the way to show me. After I joined them, we eventually looped back by the same place, but the fat horse wasn't there. She was lying in the field and licking something on the ground. I whipped out my phone and zoomed it in - oh no, her baby is there but it isn't moving. And then the head pops up, and it wobbles and lurches to its feet.

Did we really just see what we thought we saw? Maybe, likely! What an amazing blessing to see new life and love along the trail.

After my friends have left, I mused to myself - maybe I really do like running. Maybe it is worth dragging myself out in the cold before sunrise. I run without music and pause frequently to take photos. I love to talk to friends along the way too - no surprise. But then, when my guard is down, when I'm not trying to write or proclaim the message. Then, God speaks to me. It isn't in words, I'm far too skeptical and practical. God realizes that I must be distracted for the sneak attack. And then wham - God breaks in. You see my friends - God knows us and is with us. God sees us right where we are - for me along the trail when I get out of my head, open my eyes and look around. 

Look there is God - looking right back at me in nature, in my friends, in the irritable stranger who won't share the path, and yes even in me. Now I hear it - my own message spoken on a trail. God's message through me has to take a detour to reach me. Now I see - In my invitation to a friend boomeranging back to me. In the horse that bites, and in the beautiful newborn foal. Do we see? God sees us. God sees us where we are, and keeps coming at us because that is how much we are loved by a God in a through each of us - the Holy Spirit dancing among us, jogging along a trail.